It happens to the best of us – a week’s worth of tiredness suddenly hits you like a wet towel in the middle of a promising night out. It’s only midnight but you’re flagging, and as bored as a paraplegic on an assault course. What to do? Obviously you can’t go home, having paid good money to get into your club of choice. Also, that would mean facing the wrath of your raving friends. This dilemma has plagued slightly sleepy students for years. What you need is VARIATION – usually found in the form of activities such as these…

1. See who out of your friends can claim the title of ‘cockiest bugger’ – this is best done through the use of ridiculous chat-up lines. Catch the eye of a passing girl and beckon her over, then lean forwards and whisper in her ear, “If I can make you come with one finger, imagine what I can do with all five!” This is best accompanied by a leer and a suggestive finger-wiggle.

2. It’s a sad fact that about 50% of clubbers cannot dance – usually, the half that have penises. If you need a sit down, keep yourself awake by watching the poor, awkward lumberings of the male contingent. However this could just plunge you into depression as you realise that, at 20, many of your fellow students are already ‘Dad-dancing.’

3. Easy Tiger has warned us all of the dangers of leaving your drink unattended. Help spread this message – those who don’t keep a close eye on their drink clearly do not love it enough, and so it’s your duty to (subtly) relieve them of it. This activity is slightly fraught with danger, especially at ISIS when the rugby lads are out in force, but the thrill makes it all the more exciting. Also, it keeps your wallet fat and your liver failing.

4. If you’re in Oceana, there’s a whole new range of fun to be had with a little preparation. The bouncers use laser pens to point out miscreants on the dancefloor – with little more than a grunt, their shaven-headed comrades charge over to remove the offenders. Now, if YOU were to be in possession of a laser pen…How many innocent revellers would they forcibly eject before they realised something was amiss?

5. Still not risky enough for you? Try that old family favourite, Buckaroo. Locate the fattest girl in the club. Leap. Hang on. See how long you can ride the whale.

Austin Tasseltine

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1 Comment

  1. Peg
    February 1, 2009 at 14:56 — Reply

    Those last two had me weeping with laughter… i am so going to try the laser thing XD

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