Relationships are a lot like marmite. I’ve never really understood those girls who go from one boyfriend to the next, surely it’s hard enough just getting just one? When you start a relationship there’s always the inevitable thought of breaking up with them – and when you do it’s bound to get messy. The once funny, amazingly talented, rugby player you once dated becomes a-not-so cute, weird…stalker. But take it from me; they’re just scared they won’t find anyone better than you!
So, you leave your phone for just thirty minutes and you’ve got a casual 14 missed calls and 3 answer phone messages. It’s a big night out in Nottingham and you’re feeling a little under the weather so you stay in, but awake to a 5 page text with stock phrases such as ‘How could you do this to me?’ and ‘Did it mean nothing to you?’ and a voicemail singing ‘your’ song down the phone. Oh dear. Breaking up with someone can be extremely stressful and traumatic, but the dilemma’s equally distressing when you’re the injured party…
Despite initially feeling utterly certain you’ve made the right decision, you automatically log on to Facebook stalk them. As soon as you see any recent pictures of them tagged with the opposite sex, you analyse the strength of the connection, is she touching them? And if you do discover that they’re seeing another girl you hold in the tears…and instinctively see if they’re both online at the same time. If they are you desperately try to remain calm, attempt to confront the idea of them flirting with each other over facebook chat. And after a few weeks, their relationship develops to the Wall-to-Wall stage, which you naturally also religiously analyse. Firstly, how dare he/she get over me so quickly and secondly, in the words of BB7’s Nikki…Who is she??
So we’re trying not to be this ‘psycho ex’ here, but you’re driving past his road….Why WOULDN’T you check to see if his car was there? It would just be rude not to!
But it’s fine, everyday is a new day, time is a great healer and all that jazz. You’re a caring person, you want to know whether he’s okay after the break up, you want to hear his voice, there’s nothing wrong with talking to an old friend, or maybe not even talking, how about just listening…? So, you decide to call them (or ‘prank’ them should I say) and proceed to simply listen, whilst he shouts angrily ‘ WHO IS THIS? Stop f****** calling me!’ Well that showed him he always said you were a bad listener!

Rachel Boyle

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