Impact’s Varsity Guide to… Sports Chants

Published on 5^th February 2010 in Varsity.

The Varsity series is upon us again and doesn’t it feel like only yesterday that our bold, peroxide-topped chap was dutifully stripping off, vaulting the barriers and running victoriously onto the pitch at Meadow Lane, all in support of his beloved University Rugby side? With the highlight of the sporting year upon us, it means only one thing. No, it’s not the showcasing of the University’s finest athletes and it’s not even watching the cheerleaders’ bodged lifts and out of time routines. It is of course…the chants. It’s time to clear your throats and cast your memories back to the hazy evenings of smashing the roofs of those Freshers’ Week buses to deliver as many insults as humanly possible (all in the name of healthy competition of course.) Follow this guide and we can at least guarantee domination of Trent in the vocal department, even if not on the sporting field.

Bring a megaphone and whilst simultaneously pissing off every member of the crowd, at least you can be sure that your valuable words of encouragement will be heard by one and all. If you felt like going one step further feel free to emulate the success of the Barmy Army trumpeter and bring along an instrument or two for good measure. In fact, let’s just employ the University’s BlowSoc (yes, that genuinely is the wind band’s name) to scatter themselves at random amongst the Uni crowd and occasionally spontaneously burst into a cacophony of melodious support. Or too far?

Despite hearty attempts as a Fresher to discourage people from cracking out the “Your Dad works for my Dad” line due to my politically correct objections, I have now resigned myself to the fact that it’s a staple Varsity slogan which just will not go away. So go forth and shout it at the top of your voice, after all, let’s just call it irony now, as these days Trent is apparently the equivalent of Mahiki in terms of its private school contingent.

Don’t forget the old favourites “Oh Nottingham….(Oh Nottingham)…Is wonderful…etc”, but everyone likes a bit of creativity. We extend our gratitude to members of the Rugby Union First XV who kindly supplied the following…

“Your father is your brother, your sister is your mother, you’ve all ****ed one another: the Trent Family: duhduhduh, duhduhduh” (to the tune of The Adams’ Family theme tune)

“The wheels on you house go round and round, round and round, round and round” etc

“Give me a E,
Give me an E,
Give me an E,
What does that get you? A place at Trent”

“We are green, we are white, we are ****ing dynamite, with a knick-knack-paddy-whack give the dog a bone, why don’t Trent just **** off home?”

“I would rather be a (insert own choice of word) than at Trent.”

N.B. Impact honestly loves the Cheerleaders, and even has cheerleader friends, we’re sorry it’s just a gag which is too easy…

Hattie Hamilton