One Direction are the epitome of everything that is wrong within our society. Now let me explain why.

Firstly, let’s look at that number one single, ‘What Makes You Beautiful’. One of my ‘Fresher’s Week Songs’ that dominated The Best Week Of My Life™, not through the lasting friendships and tastefully themed evenings it became the backdrop for, but more for the glaring awfulness of its lyrics. Just look at them, ‘You don’t know that you’re beautiful; that’s what makes you beautiful’. In this strange paradox, One Direction tell you that it is your very obliviousness to your beauty which makes you beautiful; forgetting of course that now they’ve told you and you know you are beautiful, you are rendered through their twisted logic, no longer beautiful. It’s cruel! One minute you’re beautiful, and then you’re destroyed by your own self-awareness of this fact. It holds an almost epic sense of tragedy.

Even to the untrained ear then, this music is invariably pretty shit. However, what worries me more is the effect it is having on the younger generation. One Direction’s music seems to have a demographic consisting solely of children and fuckwits, and appears to be just the latest in a long line of music performed by and aimed at Tweens . This is surely going to have a seriously adverse effect on the youth; they’ll think that driving around the coast of America in an orange camper van with great haircuts before going home and partying with Usher is completely the norm.

It’s about time we introduced children to the crushing disappointments of life and love early on. Inform them about things such as erectile dysfunction, awkward post-sex silence and STDs before it gets too late. One Direction, with their boyish good looks and immaculate chinos are simply a cog in the machine; but if we join together, if we fight the good fight and believe, we can save the youth. Now, all together….

I AM A BELIEBER!

Oh shit.

Alex Mawby

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