With the news that Hasbro has sold the screen rites to Hungry Hungry Hippos and other board games, IMPACT decided to come up with a few game-themed film pitches of our own…

Hungry Hungry Hippos

The year is 2146. After North Korea is overturned, Marine Biologist Dirk Rogers travels to inspect the mysterious rivers of Tao Mai. There, he witnesses a girl being attacked by a gargantuan creature. On closer inspection he realises it resembles something not unlike the legendary Hippopotamus, long thought extinct. Stunned by this discovery, he resolves to find out more about this ominous river and, more importantly, what lies within. In ancient tomes, Dirk reads of tales of the Hippos: creatures created by Kim Jong-Il in his scientific endeavours towards world domination. Borne of hatred and corruption, they immediately developed a taste for human flesh. One night, Rogers decides to venture down into the river, only to find they’ve amassed an army – they’re organised. He is chased from their underwater lair and takes sanctuary in an abandoned apartment. The next morning, he awakens to find the city in ruins. Streets are littered with bodies, trees have been uprooted, nothing has been spared. Can anyone stop these hungry, hungry Hippos?

Chess Side Story

Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield play Maria and Tony, the new stars of their respectiveuniversity chess teams, the Sharks and the Jets. The teams have had a long-running rivalry stemming back to a controversial decision when judges overruled a Shark checkmate into a draw. Thrown into the ugly, high-pressure world of competitive chess, Maria and
Tony start off as fierce rivals only to fall in love with the other’s geekiness. While their teammates are convinced they are fighting it out to the death, the two star-crossed lovers dream vivid song and dance sequences based around their matches, like ‘One Hand, One Pawn’ and ‘Gee, Bobby Fischer’. But how long can they keep up the charade? And when the
others find out, will the ensuing chaos lead to a few broken glasses or two broken hearts?

Snakes & Ladders

Michael Fassbender is getting dressed in front of a mirror, from butt-naked to fully suited and classy as you like. As he exits, he kisses the two women asleep on the bed. Later, we catch up to him watching Shia LaBeouf work his way through a bar filled with Washington’s most powerful women. Slipping the younger man his card, “H. Montgomery Python, Assistant District Attorney”, he recruits him to assist in seducing his way into upper echelons of society. Fassbender is trying to work himself into a Senator’s seat, but smart-yet-sexy investigative reporter, Anne Hathaway, catches onto his ways when he tries to spin her. When LaBeouf is given a shot at the same title, he’s shown the error of his mentor’s ways. As Fassbender gets closer to his goal, he is stabbed in the back (not in that way) by his apprentice and Hathaway exposes the whole grisly affair.

Trivial Pursuit

Ed and Nick are addicted to danger. On a winter’s night in Swindon, they throw caution to the wind and embark on a night of destructive mayhem, culminating in a violent attack on their neighbour’s flowerbeds. Shocked at their outrageous daredevilry, they go on the run, but it’s not long before our heroes, Detective Cameron and Osborne, are on the case. In a
hair-raising 20 minutes of intense car chase, pausing briefly to argue the world’s fastest marine mammal and observing all 30 mile-an-hour zones, our heroes reach the dockside. They crash spectacularly through stacks of cardboard boxes, shedding unending packets of smoked salmon and crustless bread, screaming out the world’s tallest mountains in excitement. It is here that they pin down our sobbing villains and, in true British style, apologise profusely for any inconvenience they’ve caused, offer different flavours of infused olive oil for the wasted bread, and recite their Miranda rights in Latin, for extra bonus points.

Wahab Iqbal, Ibtisam Ahmed, Xavier Ribeiro & Kat Dixon

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