Beneath its silicone exterior, Avengers XXX is a story about relationships. In an early scene, Thor (Brendon Miller) proclaims, “If we are to become comrades, we must first become friends!” It soon becomes obvious that if the Avengers are to conquer the demons of New York City, they must first conquer the demons in their personal lives.

Writer/director Axel Braun, ever an auteur of the porn parody, diverts our attentions from the villains of the source text and instead focuses on the interpersonal relationships of the would-be saviours of Earth – an inspired approach. Braun and co-writer Mark Logan’s tight script features classic quotes such as “I’m like a freight train – I smash things” and “I really like your sausage”, as well as complex vocabulary, such as “auspicious” and “prevaricate”, which almost make you forget you are watching a porn film. Almost.

This review would be incomplete if it did not comment on the carnal aspect of Avengers XXX – but even these Braun handles with consummate professionalism and care. For instance, Black Widow’s fanny rash adds a touch of cinéma vérité to an emotionally expressive scene with her lover, Hawkeye. But her abstracted gaze (see above) suggests an internal conflict, which can never be satisfactorily resolved. Should she commit to Hawkeye or to her quest to save humanity? Braun unashamedly poses these difficult questions, and why not?

However, Lexington Steele’s world-weary performance as Col. Nick Fury stands out as one of the best the genre has to offer. His show-stopping scene with Phoenix Marie (star of such films as Monster Wet Anal Asses and War on a Rack) explores racial tensions within contemporary America. The camera lingers lovingly on Marie, who finishes the scene looking like a well-glazed doughnut, and why not?

An arbiter of taste, Braun allows the camera to focus on Steele’s impressive 9in member for no longer than 5 seconds at a time. But Steele is all business here and, much to our collective relief, never once removes his eye patch. Bravo!

The production team are acutely aware of the trans-media connotations of casting former WWF Intercontinental Heavyweight Champion Chyna as She-Hulk. The semi-retired wrestler delivers a less-than-stellar performance, however, as the green machine. It seems her hopes of a comeback are dwindling with each load.

Lamentably though, this production is not without its flaws. Black Widow’s latex catsuit, for one, could do with a polish. Disappointingly, the Hulk himself only has a mere minute of screen time in which he does his best Lou Ferrigno impression, but ends up sounding like a warthog, and why not?

Braun adroitly manipulates the audience’s expectations and leaves Avengers XXX wide open for a sequel. Will Miss Marvel’s PVC leotard endure further spanking? Will Nick Fury overcome the prejudices of modern urban society? Will Thor’s English accent withstand another seven minutes of screen time?

Russ D. Piston

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3 Comments

  1. Will Hazell
    January 24, 2013 at 13:22 — Reply

    That was brilliant.

  2. Andy
    January 24, 2013 at 13:29 — Reply

    I tried to make ramen in the coffee pot and I broke everything.

  3. Millie Tant
    January 24, 2013 at 17:37 — Reply

    This is offensive. Pornography degrades women and you have PRAISED IT!!?? Who cares is Braun is a good director. You are sick and I know that isn’t your real name because no-one is called Russ.

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