Impact’s resident art critic Will Hazell uncovers the best “shiterature” in Nottingham

As unpleasant as it may be, there are times when you find yourself on campus and in need of the lavatory. Luckily for us, many of our toilet cubicles have been ‘decorated’ by previous occupants. In the name of journalism I’ve explored loos all over campus in search of the best graffiti. Here’s my top five:

5. Location: Trent Building – Opposite LG25

“I’ve got the shits like Jagger”

One has to wonder, what sort of shits does Mick Jagger do? Presumably the author has a rough idea. If you’re reading this sir, please let us know. Someone might want to contact Weird Al as well – it’d make a cracking parody.

4. Location: The girl’s toilets in Mooch.

“Do Not Flush (your hopes and dreams away)”

I know what you’re thinking and no, I didn’t don a wig and sneak into the girl’s loos myself, I keep my professional and private lives separate. I got my friend Sarah to do it for me. I like this one because it contrasts with the male graffiti. While men are thinking about aged rock stars’ toilet habits, girls are affirming the value of maintaining one’s aspirations.

 3. Location: Trent Building – Opposite LG25

I’m not really sure what to say about this one. It appears to be Bart Simpson sodomising a Victorian-era bearded lady. Come to think of it, this image will most likely become Exhibit A at some poor sod’s trial. But perhaps it is also an analysis of the cultural fabric of the modern world. We may think we’ve left behind the crudities of 19th century freak shows, but maybe not. The picture shows that the voyeuristic circus of modern television (represented by a famous TV character) is actually at one with the cruel freak shows of yesteryear. We consider ourselves morally superior, but are we really?

2. Location: Hallward Library – 1st floor.  

You don’t know the kind of stuff I like to find in toilets.

What, glory holes?”

I half expected that Hallward library graffiti would consist of pleas for help or suicide notes, but studying just seems to make Nottingham students turned on. If you’re feeling lonely ladies, just hang around Hallward in the exam period, you’ll be fighting the guys off with a stick.

1. Hallward Library – 3rd floor.

“The Poo Poo Share Board”

The Poo Poo Share Board is the jewel in our toilet graffiti crown. There are high quality poo themed Fight Club references, beautiful poetry, references to the Goldeneye game on the N64. It’s basically an offline version of Reddit (without the cats). There’s not much room for further content, but I advise making a pilgrimage to witness it for yourself. Screw campus 14, this is the real Nottingham University experience.

Will Hazell

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1 Comment

  1. VI Lenin
    January 21, 2013 at 15:54 — Reply

    There was a beautiful poem next to the “I’ve got the shits like Jagger one” but it has, alas, been since removed. So I’ll put it up here to remain with us for eternity:

    Ode to the Toilet Roll:
    Like a pet chinchilla
    Or a full head of hair
    ‘Tis never truly appreciated
    Until it is no longer there.

    Beautiful, no?

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