Alice Gould can barely finish the acronym ‘BNOC’ without bile rising in her mouth. Since when did balancing a tiny ‘COMMES des FUCKDOWN’ beanie on the tip of your head become a socially acceptable thing to do? And what the hell was with ‘The Harlem Shake’? Alice doesn’t get it.

Flash back and it’s the first night I’ve moved into halls. I’m stood outside in the dark, the rain and the cold; squashed amongst others over excitedly shouting about what the blessed demi-gods (also known as Week One reps) could have possibly called us out for.

We were inundated with claims that every person at any other hall was inferior (not a problem, I think that about most people anyway).

As I’m sure is the same case with every other hall, we were inundated with claims that every person at any other hall was inferior (not a problem, I think that about most people anyway). For us, the main victims were Raleigh Park (I was a St Peter’s Court girl). This was cemented into our brains with the delicately crafted, and potentially lyrical genius of “Nananananananananaa! Raleigh’s shit, Raleigh’s shit; Raleigh’s fucking shit!”

800px-University_Park_MMB_85_Lincoln_Hall

I mean – if anything is going to force me into a mob mentality, it’s a repetitive, barely formed sentence to the tune of “Give it up” by KC & The Sunshine Gang.

By now, knuckles were scraping the floor and we were bellowing along together. Crowd psychology, along with the fear of being ‘THAT’ person who doesn’t want to have fun, meant we dropped 50 IQ points while blindly following instructions. After our new-found abhorrence for Raleigh was reinforced, our next victims were all the catered halls. Maybe it was something to do with envy for their short walk to lectures, or our inflated sense of self-importance due to having our own oven. Regardless, they were our main target for detest.

I know that it’s all aimed to be good fun, but does it not all seem so manufactured? When did it all start?

Now I know that it’s all aimed to be in good fun, but does it not all seem so manufactured? When did it all start? Am I the only person who wants to know the historical reasons why Nightingale detest Sherwood? Or maybe I just need to stop thinking about it so much, and keep drinking my unbranded Lidl vodka until all I’m capable of doing is nodding enthusiastically at whatever I am told.

Another point to be considered, especially since campus halls are allocated at random – why do so many hall stereotypes exist?

Ancaster_Hall_Drive_-_University_of_Nottingham_-_geograph

At the end of the day – it all seems intrinsically pointless. Yes it’s something to shout at and stamp your feet to on the buses on the way back from a Freshers’ night – but then you meet someone from another hall, realise they’re decent and forget about the whole thing. Can we not just drop the whole business? Or at least get some slightly more intelligent chants?

Except of course for Sutton Bonnington. They are definitely all farmers.

Alice Gould 

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