In the final Impact of the year, we’re revealing the results of our Students’ Favourite Night Out competition.

But before we announce the winner, find out which club you really belong in.

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How d’you prepare for a night out?

1. A bottle of Port with the lads on the bus, after smashing Trent 22-3.

2. Only the finest beef jerky and a can of Red Stripe.

3. Chardonnay and heels, darling. What else?

4. Frosty Jacks and Ribena to drown out the taste of piss.

The bouncers reject you, what do you do?

1. Try to take them. You’re invincible.

2. Start quoting War and Peace.

3. Bribe the doorstaff.

4. You’re friends with the boss on Facebook; he’ll let you in, right?

What do you wear?

1. The same tie/chino combination as all the other lads. “Together, we’re stronger.”

2. I can’t tell; my fake horn-rimmed glasses are actually blinding me.

3. It’s not what you wear, it’s who you wear.

4. I don’t remember but I always come home topless.

What’s your pulling strategy? 

1. I don’t need a strategy; I’m AU fait with fit girls.

2. Shakespeare once said, “love is like a…”

3. That’s the smell of vodka and Dior; it’s irresistible.

4. Let your crotch/arse do the talking.

What d’you do after a night out?

1. POST-LASH.

2. Dig out your old Bob Marley vinyls.

3. Announce to the world that you’re never drinking again, like ever…

4. I can’t remember his/her name.

 

Mostly 1s.

You have quarter-life Crisis written all over your body in fluorescent ink. You’re in the AU. You’re a fledgling BNOC and you’re loving life. #YOLO is your house motto and you’re thinking of getting it tattooed on your cock. You’re Crisis.

Mostly 2s. 

You were hipster before the word was invented. When you’re not at Bodega, you spend your mornings eating free-range muesli and your evenings practising synth. You were outraged when a pharmaceutical boss was appointed chancellor and you’d pick humous and pitta bread over the Boots meal deal any day. You’re Bodega.

Mostly 3s. 

You’re a (self-defined) eight out of ten. By the end of the night you won’t know the difference between a Mad Hatter’s Tea Party and a Martini but it doesn’t matter because it’s only a short walk home to the Park. You’re Coco Tang.

Mostly 4s. 

You’re in Hallward revising but you can’t concentrate because all you can picture is David Hasselhoff and Pamela Anderson running across a beach to the soundtrack of your life. You’ve even got the Baywatch theme tune set as your ringtone and you have to regularly resist the urge to start stripping off in public whenever you get a call, even if it’s from your mum… You’re Ocean.

 

Pick up a copy of Impact on Tuesday to find out if your club has won. 

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