Is your sex life less steamy than watching a dog hump a pillow? Well fear not, because Impact’s resident sexpert Penny Tration is about to turn that around.  She is ready to delve into every corner of the sexual and relationship spectrum.   

Dear Penny,

So I just finished reading 50 Shades of Grey, and it’s got me interested. How should I go about introducing a bit of BDSM into the bedroom?

From Marilyn.

***

Dear Marilyn,

I’m submissive in bed (and by “submissive” I mean lazy), but 50 Shades of Grey seems to get almost everyone excited about a bit of bondage – and it’s difficult to escape the hype. From your best friend buying Ben Wa Balls to all your female relatives ogling over the kindle edition at a family gathering, if your partner hasn’t even suggested buying a butt plug then your relationship is seemingly destined for failure.

However, there are ways that you can subtly direct him towards being your own Christian Grey. Write out your favourite 50 Shades scenes in calligraphy and slip it into his lecture notes – of course signing it anonymously with the scent of your favourite lube. Send parcels to his house containing nipple clamps and whipping paddles. Prying housemates may wonder what’s in this suspicious box and sneakily open it, and once they find out that your sex life is on the verge of being adventurous, then your partner may feel he should give it a go. No one wants to be labelled vanilla, do they?

The only problem with this approach is that you might end up scaring off the feeble hearted – but if feeble hearted equates to boring in bed, then it’s not really your loss, is it?

Love,

Penny

If you have any burning questions you want Penny answer, send them to [email protected]

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1 Comment

  1. Sally
    October 4, 2013 at 20:36 — Reply

    Hilarious, great advice!

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