After a perilous journey up the M1 in his 2010 VW Polo (with epic speakers), Jack Wills-Abercrombie began his quest for social validation. Armed with a wardrobe of stripy polo shirts and an insatiable desire for banter-infused lash, he has now cemented his position as the arch-BNOC of University Park. Jack feels it is now his duty to endorse the BNOC message. He’s less about Uni, and more about UNAY!

Dear Jack,

I’m really struggling with all my housemate clutter around the house at the moment, but I don’t want to say anything in case I upset them. What should I do?

Pete

***

Dear Pete, 

Pour yourself a shot of Man Up and find your balls. A bit of clutter is such a first world problem. Get some perspective on life. Some people go through unimaginable tragedy.

I mean, what if you couldn’t get a Crisis All Nighter ticket, or your PS3 froze in the middle of a FIFA game? You wouldn’t be complaining about house clutter then.

However, it is true that an overly clutter-ridden crib is a bit like a BNOC without a gilet. If your house mate persists with their behaviour, I have a number of suggestions from which classic banter/Instagram uploads will ensue.

1) Put it all in their bed. Seriously, I’m talking about dirty pots and pans. Nothing says clean your crap up more clearly than crusted macaroni in their sheets.

2) Use it as toilet roll. A cost saving exercise and top banter. Your housemate can probably just get those seminar notes from Moodle anyway.

3) Evict your housemate. It’s a cruel world. Plus there’s plenty more underwear out there that I’m sure you’d rather see hanging on the radiator.

I guess you could talk to them instead, but TBH, how effective would that actually be?

Jack 

Have any queries you want Jack to answer? Send them to [email protected]

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1 Comment

  1. Fred Perry
    October 11, 2013 at 08:31 — Reply

    Genius.

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