Description: Don’t waste your time when you’re wasting time! This Procrastination Pack is your weekly dose of internet, in which we find the best things to do when you should be writing an essay/in a seminar/having a shower.
Directions for use: One pack weekly. Do not leave in direct sunlight. Links are in the titles.
May contain: Pixellated toffs, literate orgasms and morbid selfies.
Let’s kick off this week with Super Tory Boy, a brilliant, satirical, Mario-inspired side scrolling adventure. Collect bribes, privatise hospitals and squeeze scroungers as either “Dave”, ‘Gideon” or “Boris” and try to make as much money as possible before reaching your final destination: Westminster.
Will provide roughly five minutes of Tory-sneering before the realisation hits you that these people actually run our country.
Clayton Pettet may currently be transfixing the art world with his upcoming performance, but this collection of videos on a similarly sexy theme is arguably more entertaining and thought provoking.
An artist has created a series of videos in which a beautiful woman reads from her favourite books whilst, “an unseen accomplice below the table attempts to bring the woman to orgasm with a vibrator.” The results are hilarious . I would recommend Session Four: Stormy, in which a woman in question struggles to get through one page of Brett Easton Ellis’s American Psycho.
This is it. They said it would never happen but it has. Selfies have invaded that most sacred of social occasions: funerals. This Tumblr has a collection of the best “funeral selfies” from across Instagram and Twitter.
The best/worst thing about these photos is the resounding sense that these people seem to have absolutely no inclination that what they’re doing might be construed as being somewhat inappropriate. “Love my hair today. Hate why I’m dressed up #funeral.”
Oh dear God this video is so cringe-inducingly awful it makes me want to crawl into a cave and renounce all associations with the human race.
I really don’t know where to start with this one. Basically the Student’s Union at Loughborough have created a promotional video set to the tune of Naughty Boy’s “La La La”. What are they wearing? Why are they singing? Words really cannot to justice to the unmitigated stream of shite that follows.
Ellie McWilliam et al take note: this is not how to Internet.
Twats On Tinder
Anyone who has ever heard of the popular dating app Tinder will be unsurprised to learn of the multitude of “twats” that furnish its digital shelves. Ever longed to see all the choicest idiots grouped together in one place for a good laugh? Well long no more, as this Tumblr “Twats On Tinder” has done exactly that.
A smorgasbord of topless twats, toking twats and toff twats. Twats of every shape, size and variety. You’ll feel like a kid in a sweet shop.
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