Remember those drunken discussions you had in Mooch recently? We do. Speaking from experience, we know how hard it is to even form sentences when you have had a little too much to drink, let alone remember what on earth you were talking about. Let us jog your memory. 

The weekend before last, Abby and Holly were in for a treat as the multitude of rag raid goers descended upon Mooch. They embarked on asking somewhat intoxicated students what they thought about the burning questions of this week.

On the Mooch agenda:

One – Would society miss you if you went missing and why?

Two – Sum yourself up in one song and explain your choice.

Three– We also told people (the wildly untrue story) that the whole of the New Forest had burnt down, the fire taking the lives of several humans and horses. Next step? A quivering voice and some dramatic pauses and we had ourselves a realistic news story.

1) David 

David

Would society miss you if you went missing and why?

Of course society would miss me. Who would go to different cities and collect money for charity? I’m such a good person.

Sum yourself up in one song and explain your choice.

‘The World’s Greatest’ by R. Kelly because I am going to climb Kilimanjaro this summer.

The whole of the New Forest burnt down yesterday. What are your thoughts on that?

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. If I was in the New Forest I would spend 48… 72 hours saving people’s lives. How could that be allowed to happen? Wait… people died? [Bows head in confusion. After several moments his head jerks up as if he has just had a stroke of genius]. If the fire service and, like, the fire service were more on it then like…. yeah.

What are you going to do to help the cause?

What can I do?

The fire is still going.

The fuck. How could they still… what? Why the fuck, how on fuck, how is the whole society of Britain not putting money into that shit. What the fffff.

2) Harvey 

Harvey

Would society miss you if you went missing and why?

They would miss me- I make a big contribution to this University [his mate then pipes up – ‘What, third team lacrosse?’]. The way I inspire people to get really messy and go out drinking instead of working. Without me my flat would all be work, work, work and with me it’s all fun, fun, fun!

Sum yourself up in one song and explain your choice.

‘It Girl’ by Jason Derulo. Why?!  Have you heard the song? [He then proceeds to sing me the song, but forgets the lyrics one line in]. If we were talking about a guy, I would be that one guy that all the girls are chasing after.

The whole of the New Forest burnt down yesterday. What are your thoughts on that?

I’m kind of gutted about the horses because…not the people but the horses? We are going as jockeys for the seven legged and we could have had real horses if they hadn’t all died. But fifteen people died? I guess fifteen is pretty bad. If everyone in my flat died, what would I do? I guess I would join a new flat but I would be pretty gutted.

3) Amelia and Kat 

Girls- shit mooch says

Would society miss you if you went missing and why?

Yes [deep in thought] because…I add brightness and sunshine to the world… and I have yellow hair so I look like the sun.

Sum yourself up in one song and explain your choice.

Amelia – This is a good one.. let me think…

Kat – Let me have a proper think.

[Silence. It’s slightly awkward]

Amelia –I know what I would be… the world should revolve around me. Oh wait, that’s trashy. (The girls then start belting out ‘Fergalicious’, changing the first part into Katalicious and Amelialicious). Actually ‘She’s So Lovely’. [They then proceed to sing this song]. Oh I got it- ‘Love On Top’. I can sing it well.

I have yellow hair so I look like the sun.

Kat – No, it can’t just be a song you like, it has so sum you up. You’re just admitting you like to have sex on top!

Amelia – Okay, erm. What about ‘Zero to Hero’ from Hercules, a classic.. pardon the pun.

The whole of the New Forest burnt down yesterday. What are your thoughts on that?

Amelia – Oh, the New Forest, I love it there. I have cycled there.

Kat – Well, you can’t cycle there anymore.

Amelia – I think it’s devastating- who started it? Was it an accident?

No it was natural.

Kat – I think I would have more of an opinion on it if someone had done it. Oh wait, no that is horrible, you can’t put it in there! DON’T! [Kat tries to grab our pen].

Amelia – It doesn’t matter- you’re drunk.

Kat – Well you know what they say: what a drunk person says is a sober person’s thought. [She notices that I am left handed]. How can you highlight if you are left-handed?

Amelia – Did you know 75 left-handed people die per year using right-handed objects? It’s dangerous… no, no it’s true.

Kat – Yeah, like sledge hammers.

Abby Hung and Holly Stead

Header image: Emily Shackleton and Enrique Taracena P

Follow Impact Features on Twitter and Facebook.

Previous post

The Mercury Prize

Next post

Immigration Policies Threaten International Students

No Comment

Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published.