Is your sex life less steamy than watching a dog hump a pillow? Well fear not, because Impact’s resident sexpert Penny Tration is about to turn that around.  She is ready to delve into every corner of the sexual and relationship spectrum.   

Dear Penny,

I’ve recently got myself a new boyfriend and so far it’s going really well. Things are starting to heat up a bit, but there’s just one problem- I’ve managed to make it to my second year of university without having sex. Ever. I’ve been too embarrassed to tell any of my friends and I’m afraid of what my boyfriend will think of me. Please help!

Hettie

***

Hi Hettie,

The really big deal about your first time is that it isn’t actually a big deal at all. That’s the secret everyone’s been hiding – you literally won’t feel different at all. You’ll be left asking where are the fucking trumpets? …The dance montage to Hall & Oates?

The truth is that the only thing that will have changed is that now you can glumly add a tick to the “got laid” column of that banter chart your housemate made in refreshers’ week. Oh, and you’ll have to actually start washing your sheets more than once a term – which is why averting sex from your bed to theirs is essential if you don’t want to fork out on extra washing.

Don’t stress about that big “V” you’ve branded upon your forehead. Your friends are probably are too caught up in their own sex traumas to worry about yours, let alone have time to judge you. And about your boyfriend – if he’s going to be an ass about it, then he probably shouldn’t be your boyfriend at all, should he?

Oh, and, just remember: every sex experience (good or bad) will serve you in future – even if it’s just that you’re the drunkest next time you play ‘Never Have I Ever’.

Love,

Penny 

If you have any questions you want Penny to answer, send them to [email protected].

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