You probably didn’t notice, but sometime last week Paris was announced as the best student city in the world. London came in a close second with Manchester and Edinburgh trailing behind at 29th and 32nd respectively.   

On the list of 50 cities Nottingham, however, was nowhere to be seen. Which is obvs a complete travesty. Nottingham is the best student city in the world EVER.

So, disregarding the awarding body’s bullshit marking criteria (student mix? affordability? pfft…) this is why we think Nottingham should reign supreme over Gay Parie.

The Language Is Much Easier To Understand 

Have you ever tried speaking French? It’s well hard. A lot of the words are different and even the ones that look the same mean something else.

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Want to buy some new bras in a shop in Paris? Be careful you might end up with an ARM.

In Nottingham, the language barrier is far easier to overcome for the average student, as the majority of residents generally speak some form of English. If you’re still a little confused though, we have compiled a quick vocab crib sheet to use at your pleasure next time you’re interacting with locals.

Ey up mi duck! – “Hello friend!”

Alrate youth? – “How are you young man?”

Avya gorra wivya? – “Is your lady-friend accompanying you tonight?”

Thez summat up wee im. – “There appears to be something awry with that fellow.”

Yeh norra gerrin no cob! – “You may not have one of my bread rolls.”

The Food Is Better

In Notts you can eat food from a different continent every night. Fancy an Indian? There’s probably four restaurants on the road you live on. Mexican tonight? Well just get yourself down the El Passo Grill on Lenton Blvd! It really couldn’t be easier or more varied.

Heck, go to Red Hot Buffet in town and you can eat literally every global cuisine at the same time, from the same plate! What more could you ask for?

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#cuisine

Our student counterparts in Paris do not enjoy this same level of gastronomic variation and excitement.  The French are so proud of their food that it’s just about the only thing they’ll eat. Expect a strict diet of snails, frogs legs and undercooked steaks if you ever unfortunately make your way across the channel.

Also, the Parisians don’t understand crisps. The only flavours they seemed to have are Paprika and Goats Cheese. Not a packet of Prawn Cocktail in sight.

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“Can you smell goat?”

The Tourist Attractions Are Superior In Nottingham

“Ooh look aren’t all the streets so lovely and clean. I love standing here looking at the Arc de Triomphe breathing in all the carbon monoxide from the traffic. Will you marry me?” Said no one ever.

Paris is home to some of the most underwhelming tourist attractions ever. Yeah the Eiffel Tower is pretty when it lights up at night, and the Opera House looks awesome, but once you’ve seen them you might as well just go home.

To save you the time I’ll summarise it all for you here:

  • Mona Lisa is much smaller than you think
  • Walking up the Eiffel Tower is knackering
  • The Moulin Rouge is tacky and a bit creepy

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Nottingham on the other hand has no end of cultural amusements. There’s an underground casino, an underground mini-golf course, the caves and some pubs which are partially underground.

Basically if you are part mole you will love it here. And even if you aren’t it’s still mildly entertaining.

3275722634_8b0f1b2b20_oIf you get bored of being underground (unlikely) then there is still lots to see and do. Why not go ice skating at the Capital FM arena, take in a show at the Nottingham Playhouse or get mugged in Radford? The rich tapestry of life is simply waiting to be enjoyed in Notts.

Robin Hood

Yes, Nottingham is of course the home of everyone’s favourite vigilante altruist: Robin Hood. As well as stealing from the Rich (boo!) and giving to the Poor (hurray!) Robin’s legacy has spawned multiple movie and TV adaptations of varying quality for us all to enjoy.

As if this wasn’t enough, whilst living with his mates in Sherwood Forest, Robin supposedly set up the original Wednesday Sports night, or as it was then known, Ye Olde Trip To Crisis, in the early 13th century.

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The closest Paris comes to a hero of this stature is Napoleon, and he was a short-arse with a gammy hand who got kicked out of France twice.*

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*Only one of those facts is actually true, history fans.

***

So there we have it, undeniable, irrefutable proof that Nottingham is in fact the superior city. Why not celebrate this fact by emailing a Parisian and telling them the good news? Maybe a chum on their year abroad in the French capital would enjoy readng this article? If all else fails just go out and knock over the Kronenbourg stand in Sainsbury’s. Don’t worry, they’ll probably just surrender anyway.

Alex Mawby   

Give Alex a follow on twitter: @mawbius

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2 Comments

  1. Andrew
    November 27, 2013 at 16:07 — Reply

    Stella Artois is Belgian. Or was that part of the joke?

  2. Incredulous
    November 27, 2013 at 16:48 — Reply

    Parisans, it seems, are incapable of making bad food. It’s like every restaurant must be good to exist. This article mentions the diversity of food in Nottingham, but whoever said that Red Hot Buffet serves good food will obviously not have a future in the food industry.

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