Alice Gould can barely finish the acronym ‘BNOC’ without bile rising in her mouth. Since when did balancing a tiny ‘COMMES des FUCKDOWN’ beanie on the tip of your head become a socially acceptable thing to do? And what the hell was with ‘The Harlem Shake’? Alice doesn’t get it.

I’m fed up with the news being saturated by the obscenities of Gaga. Yes, we get it, she’s unique and don’t care what people think, but does she need to be all over our front pages? Whether she’s dressed up in meat, pretending to have amputated her leg, or creating strange and pointless music, Lady Gaga will do anything in order to desperately cling to fame.

Although many call Gaga a fashion icon and a musical genius, I can’t help but disagree.

Although many call Gaga a fashion icon and a musical genius, I can’t help but disagree. Whilst her music is branded as simple pop, her brain-washed fans declare her a genius due to her writing all her own lyrics. However, when we look at some of these lyrics (and I use the term lightly) musical genius isn’t the first thing that springs to mind, but more a child first beginning to talk, for example: “rah, rah, ah, ah, ah, roma, roma, ma”.

Lady Gaga will do anything in order to desperately cling to fame.

Similarly her attention-seeking, ridiculous attire (or fashion, as she calls it) may not be as incredible as everyone seems to think. Whilst “Lady” Gaga’s look is one of a kind (though Madonna fans may disagree), can it really be called fashion or just another way to get her noticed? Even Anna Wintour, editor of Vogue – the world’s most influential fashion magazine, describes Gaga as “a childish diva”.

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Gaga’s ascent into fame was hardly the smoothest. After her first few singles she was most famous for rumours that she was a hermaphrodite. Instead of squashing the rumour as most people would, Lady Gaga used this pathetic excuse for publicity to draw her yet more attention to herself, never admitting to having or not having a penis.

For some reason she also insists on spewing out random phrases such as “music is a lie” or “Gaga is a lie” which her fans defend as ‘the truth’ and anyone who denies this is ‘naive’ or ‘narrow minded’ (or, you know, not an idiot).

No-one will ever love Lady Gaga as much as she loves herself.

Then there are the videos. Music videos are supposed to enhance the ideas within the song – yet songs such as Telephone have videos of insane mass murderers, prisons, and very little clothing.

Undeniably her most controversial video is Alejandro, which features vast quantities of unnecessary blasphemy and strange, cross-dressing homoeroticism. Gaga claims the video is a salute to the bravery of homosexuals – yet what that has to do with her wearing an inverted cross on her crotch or sucking rosary beads is beyond me.

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Her fans or ‘little monsters’ as she names them, might adore her, but no-one will ever love Lady Gaga as much as she loves herself. She spends most of her time bragging to reporters with claims that she is perfect spiritually “I am the most judgment-free human being on earth” or explaining how she is superior to everyone else physically “I look like Grace Jones”, “I’m sexy, I’m hot”.

Her fans or ‘little monsters’ as she names them, might adore her, but no-one will ever love Lady Gaga as much as she loves herself.

At the end of the day, just like her fans she’s brain-washed into believing that she is a talented, interesting individual; no matter what people say about her, Gaga is stubbornly set on thinking she is an artist.

However, I’m beginning to think my baby brother, after dribbling dinner down his front and attempting to string together a sentence, could probably do a similar job. If only they made platform boots that tiny…

Alice Gould 

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5 Comments

  1. Anonymous
    November 25, 2013 at 14:05 — Reply

    This article would have been so much better if you had a clue about performance theories, darling. Perhaps start off slow with one of those after school drama clubs.

  2. Lady Gaga's Nun's Habit
    November 25, 2013 at 14:10 — Reply

    In future, use the term ‘cross-dressing’ please. ‘Transvestite’ is a term a lot of the group of people to which you refer find offensive.

    Your interpretation of Gaga’s music/videos/attire shows little understanding of the actual meaning behind them

  3. Lady Gaga's Nun's Habit
    November 25, 2013 at 14:19 — Reply

    Oh and way to go: a woman shaming a woman for being body-confident. I’m clapping for you right now, I am.

  4. Preeya
    November 30, 2013 at 14:50 — Reply

    As much as I disagree with this article, I also have to disagree with you, Lady Gaga’s Nun Habit.
    Someone with a public persona so outrageous and ridiculous only serves to make a mockery of the causes she “supports”.

  5. confused
    December 2, 2013 at 00:03 — Reply

    I’m sure this article would have been a lot more relevant around 2010. It’s pretty easy to avoid Gaga now if you’re that way inclined – I don’t think I’ve actually heard any of her new songs. In fact the thing that surprised me throughout my time at uni was that no Gaga songs ever got played in Crisis/Oceana/any of those kind of clubs. I’m not a fan by any means but always thought that her music was notably absent from those clubs’ playlists.

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