We all know the feeling. Those things you just cannot stand. They keep you awake at night. They make your skin crawl. They awake a hatred within you that you haven’t known since the checkout machine said there was an unexpected item in the baggage area. Go on, put it in Room 101.

#relationshipgoals – the reason that 15 year olds should not be allowed on Twitter. Like the ideal relationship can be summed up in 140 characters. Or in a picture of two very attractive millennials leading each other on adventures through the world. The digitalisation of romance is so sickly. Get a private message.

I’ve been trying to figure out what the actual relationship goal is. I think it involves leaving presents for your girlfriend on her doorstep. Like that’s not creepy.

Getting presents is nice. But these #goals also seem to involve a plethora of Michael Kors, Victoria’s Secret and Pandora. #luckygirl. Who actually has the money for that? Take me to spoons and I’ll be smiling for days.

“Seriously, are you even a couple if you didn’t screenshot and tweet the cringe texts that you send to each other?”

At the risk of sounding like a babyboomer, things were better when we didn’t have the internet. Seriously, are you even a couple if you didn’t screenshot and tweet the cringe texts that you send to each other?

Not to mention the photos of steamy couples gyrating on each other. Who even takes those pictures? Regina George’s mom? “You guys need anything? Some snacks? An Instagram photo?”

I did scroll through my own twitter timeline to check that I wasn’t being a hypocrite. The only thing that warranted my use of the phrase was a picture of David and Samantha Cameron hugging after the election results were announced. Sarcasm, of course.

Drink tea, eat cake, read a book. There’s more to life than retweeting pictures of Kanye and Kim.

Rachel Lewis

Do baked beans make you cringe? Are slow walkers your living hell? Send your own Room 101 to [email protected]

Image: Troy Tolley via Flickr

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